Brussels' report card

Written by Frédéric Solvel - 22 Jun 2014, 00:00 (Updated: 12 Jan 2022, 04:31)
Brussels' report card
After school lets out and a couple of hours before report cards are returned, we dug up a certain student’s assessment, Brussels. If she is admitted to the next grade, she’ll have some work to do this summer!


Your new classmate, Arthur from Uccle, has influenced you quite a bit with his French from France. Don’t let him change your ways, and never forget the way we speak in Brussels. By the way, if he can learn how to pronounce your name correctly, you’d really be taking a thorn out of my side.


For the hundredth time: Horum omnium fortissimi sunt Belgae et non Horum omnium fortissimi sunt civis Bruxellensis. Of all the Gauls, the Belgians are the bravest. Try to remember this next year.


2014-1989= 25! You did your math right, your region is already 25 years old!


Waar is da feestje? Hier is da feestje! This is not going to be enough. Make an effort this summer…


After two visits from Barack Obama and the opening of a Starbucks on your Grand Place, try not to take on an American accent too much.



With your natural Christmas tree and your economical LED lighting, you’ve really made some progress! Keep that up. Try to be green when it comes to the Meyboom planting ceremony during the holidays. If you wouldn’t mind handing over your bottle of alcohol that you pilfered from the lab before hitting the Châtelain market, that would be super.


In the name of remembrance, way to go for finally historically classing the former Gestapo headquarters in Brussels in January 2014. Good job for the 100th anniversary of World War I with all the exhibitions.

However, you were lacking when it came to the Renaissance. I strongly advise you to attend Ommegang to make up for it.


Don’t sit back on your laurels! Other Brussels in the land of Uncle Sam are eyeing you… You should think about updating your atlas and maps. With the pedestrian streets coming soon, they will soon be out of date.


Next year, we’re getting rid of the recorder and we’re starting with the harmonica to give homage to the great Belgian jazz musician, Toots Thielemans.

Art history

After the loss of Roger Somville, thank you for comforting us with the End of the Century Museum and the promise for a Brussels MoMa in 2017.


You didn’t work hard enough during the year apart from a little boost of pride at the end of May. But you’ll be back during the holidays for some road work.

Physical education

Follow the example of your friend Vince the Prince, the leader of the Red Devils and get ready for the Union-RWDM derby next season!

Computer science

Good work with the installation of your first public WiFi connection. About time!

Religion and Ethics

Two words, one leitmotif: tolerance and respect.


Sexual education

The first time, the very first time… This school year was full of new experiences for you. Between the horse drawn carriages, the Brussels Light Festival, the Salon du Chocolat, and the Color Run, you did pretty well! And thanks to the calendar of bare firefighters, you have 6 more months to study the masculine anatomy.


Attention, the director changed during the year. Please respect the new guy just like you did the last one. And if Freddy wasn’t your favorite, leave some hope for Yvan.

Lastly, you and your friend Melchior were not the quietest of students. You were especially chatty in the second semester! The school council was wondering the reasons you have for allowing so many airplanes fly overhead all of your friends. Do you two want to see how this plan works in class? We hope to see you put an end to these disturbances in time for the start of the next school year!

Have a good break!

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